tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2634453111627379737.post6429648160860066005..comments2023-10-20T08:25:50.322-07:00Comments on Running Away To Wonderland: Part XVIII- Pure hearts stumble, in my hands they crumbleshootingatspidershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17678488683526123995noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2634453111627379737.post-14376326256637036532010-01-03T15:18:56.326-08:002010-01-03T15:18:56.326-08:00Heyaa. I'm reallyreally sorry if my critique w...Heyaa. I'm reallyreally sorry if my critique was harsh. I'm kinda bad at the whole honest critique thing, and looking back it's like I focused a lot on the not-quite-negative and not enough on the fact that I do like this story, I really do. :) <br /><br />Love you, and no, I got back on the third lol. :P<br />xxme.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09555019706684339826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2634453111627379737.post-90223931478388819072009-12-28T02:15:05.910-08:002009-12-28T02:15:05.910-08:00I think a lot of the time that the cApItAl lEtTeRs...I think a lot of the time that the cApItAl lEtTeRs aReN't ThErE (ill stop now lol) is beause (particularly when its just her thoughts, or the first person narrative parts) is because it's meant to seem...I dunno, desperate? desperate and hazy I think...<br />and parts of it is because I'm lazy :D<br /><br />I'm gonna hope for the one percent. I wanted to move the story on mostly, and I never said she was released in an above-board way, the whole 'you and I both know you need the beds' thing.<br /><br />and there's no way I'm going to tell you what she is or isn't struggling with, you're right that its abstract, and its gonna stay like that for a while yet :)<br /><br />And yeah, she's still physically recovering and probably shouldn't have been released, but as far as her pain coming through the story, I think she's mostly forgotten about it, totally consumed by her hallucinations and avoiding the reality that's hidden in her mind somewhere. the whole 'what is that god damned beeping' thing when she already remember before that it was her phone. <br /><br />And it was semi recent, like a week, week and a half. I've had that happen to my phone before! telstra is great...<br /><br />and your critique felt an itty bit harsh, but then I read it through again and realised I did lots of those things on purpose :)<br /><br /><br />I don't usually write so hazily and abstractly, but I'm enjoying weaving the little bits of information and feeding you tiny parts of whats actually happening. I hope you're enjoying unravelling it, or trying :)<br /><br />love you too, any chance you'll be home for new years?shootingatspidershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17678488683526123995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2634453111627379737.post-89578009812446218742009-12-19T18:05:59.378-08:002009-12-19T18:05:59.378-08:00The first thing I have to say is, captial letters ...The first thing I have to say is, captial letters are your friend. I don't quite understand the lack of grammar, being the Nazi that I am. Proper grammar ties the story together, makes it seem more professional, I guess. <br /><br />Also, I googled it, and I'm 99% sure that a minor can't be discharged from hospital without a parent or legal guardian - if you can't sign your own school diary, there's a high chance that you can't leave hospital after being shot in the stomach without at least some semblance of parental consent, even in special circumstances. It would go against the whole duty of care thing. <br /><br />That said, I like it. It's very abstract, which works well for the theme. The girl is struggling with the death (maybe? I'm still slightly confused as to what's going on...) of her friend, as well as a serious injury and subsequent morphine. It makes sense for her to slip into an imaginary world.<br /><br />She was shot in the stomach (or there abouts), wasn't she? I mean, if so, wouldn't the recovery period be longer and more intense? Wouldn't she still be in hospital, or suffering negative side effects? <br /><br />Also, her friend did die, didn't she? And that text wasn't an old one, but a recent one? I mean, if their best friend really did die, they probably wouldn't be rushing out to go see a movie. If I died, I like to think you'd all be prostrate in your beds for at least a week, weeping and yearning for just one more glimpse of my sweet visage. :P<br /><br />I hope I haven't been too harsh in my critique. :S Because don't get me wrong, I am enjoying this - there's just a few parts of the story that don't make complete sense to me. But then, if they make sense to you (and possibly others, I am a dumbass), then who am I to tell you to change anything? :) Love you. xxme.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09555019706684339826noreply@blogger.com