Part XVI- You remind me of a cigarette

As I lie weeping on the button, so much desperation spills out from my eyes that the button starts to sparkle a little differently, with bright white bzap bzzap bzzzzzzzzzzaaaappppp and suddenly I am bigger, bigger enough to see the nurse frantically trying to get my attention.
'HEY!'
In a snap not unlike that of breaking bone, I stop mid-wail and look at her, my hands still clamped to my face, trying to hold a pocket of air so I don't drown in my own tears.

Like a child, I peak out through my hands and I feel like screaming
'IF I CAN'T SEE YOU YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!!' and hiding under the covers.

However, some odd little reasonable part of me decides that this would be a bad idea, and wind me up in the psych ward, with the genuinely crazy people.

like you don't belong there already

'hey!'

cue blank slightly freaked out stare from nurses.
'...are you alright?'

'umm...yeah. I just... I just had a bad dream thats all.'

apparently i've hit the money excuse because their eyes instantly fill up with pity.

I hate pity, but its better than therapy.

'Well as long as you aren't in pain'.

what a dumb thing to say.

OF COURSE IM IN PAIN!!!

-blink-

'Is there anything we can do for you?'

'Umm, yeah actually. could you wheel that little table over here?'

'Sure'

a few screechy moments later and I have my goal, solitaire.

But first, some tunes.
Hmm, shuffle songs, and we shall start with... norah jones, easy listening cruisy stuff.

Now lets see, red seven on black eight, black three red four black five all on the red six. hmm, stuck. I need a black nine... damn, stupid sevens. damn you stupid iPod with no hint function... 'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'
Yes, yes I would.
'....freakin Jack, I never did like jack...'
'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'
'damnit! that one three of diamonds...'
'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'

'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'
'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'
'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'

'You could not win'
'You could not win'
'You could not win'

'try again?'
'try again?'
'try again?'

'...please, please stop asking.' I turn to the gerbera and plead 'stop asking me that, you know I can't go back, I can't change anything!'

'would you like to try again?' the flower persistently asks me, as if desire were the only prerequisite for success.

'of course I would, don't be silly!

'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'

'I already told you that, I can't!'

'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?

'I WOULD IF I COULD BUT I CAN'T!!!'

'there's no need to shout! so rude...'

But I don't even care what she thinks anymore, I just can't get it out of my head...

'You could not win this game, would you like to try again?'